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| Good bye Xanga . . . You were with me through good times and bad. Things have changed since we first started blogging together. I've blogged with you for 6 years. SIX YEARS! It's just not working out anymore. We're too different. It's not you. It's me.
OKAY OKAY, I'm blogging with someone else! Are you happy?! What do you want to know its name for? FINE, its name is, http://timlin01.blogspot.com/. YES! It's a better blog than you. We both know it's been over for a long time now. We should both just move on and enjoy the rest of our lives. You'll find someone else. You still have all my old entries. Keep them. I'll check in on them occasionally. Heck, maybe we can even get together once in a while and . . . blog.
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| To be alive is the most beautiful thing in the world. I try to always remember this. It's easy to forget when I get caught up in the grind. I've been stuck in that rut lately. I don't feel like airing my dirty laundry on here, but I can tell you that I'm having a rough time seeing the beauty in life these days. I'm moody, I'm irritable and I don't even feel like drowning my sorrows in booze - smoking my sorrows away, maybe. Some days are better than others, but on most days I go about my day feeling listless and hoping for the next day to come. I'm usually very carefree and easy-going, and if that's the Tim you know, you might feel dejected by the current listless Tim. I'm not one of those guys who can put up a happy and energetic front even though I'm feeling like shit. I'm okay with that though. It's more genuine, but I think in the process I may have alienated some people - some who just don't want to be around a downer and others who simply think I'm not a very good friend anymore. Sometimes it's better to retreat and recover instead of damaging your relationships. Of course, friends are there for moral support through the rough times, but I think at this point, I've had enough pep-talks to get me through the rest of the year. Sometimes, though, I wonder if this rut that I feel like I'm in is just an illusion. I've always believed that if you take a situation and look at it from another perspective, you can always find a positive side to it. Could it be possible that this rut is simply caused by being locked into a negative perspective of my circumstances? On the other hand, if I were to find the positive perspective and focus on that to lift my spirits, would I be deluding myself? I think it's okay that I feel like shit right now. My feeling like this motivates me to change things and to work harder. I just have to be sure that I don't become overwhelmed and discouraged. Anyway, I'm hanging in there. I'm crawling my way out of this rut, slowly but surely. It's the hard times, afterall, that make the good times feel great. I feel better already. | | |
| It is an epic battle: not between Right and Wrong or Good and Evil but between Old and New. At one point, Old and New were one and the same, living harmoniously within one soul. Time has came between them, pushing them apart and pointing out their differences. Life as we know it will never be the same. New scoffs at Old, at his inability to adapt, at his desperate attempt to cling to what is familiar and comfortable. Old, with a little more wisdom and self-knowledge, sees the uncertainty in they eyes of New - for the only thing that New really knows is that he is not Old.
They square off for battle, neither certain of the outcome. | | |
| I feel a little out of touch with the world. I think it's because I'm not on the computer much anymore. For a little bit, I thought that it might ground me and make me more present if I weren't always online. The thought was that if my mind wasn't constantly in this cyber reality, then my experience of the world would be more authentic. I've come to realize, though, that cyberspace is as legitimate a reality as anything else we can experience. We may not be able to touch it, but we sure can hear it, see it, talk (or write, rather) to it and get a response from it. There IS human connection in cyberspace. So rather than feeling more grounded in reality, I feel detached from that part of the world. Sure I am present in the here and now, but here is just this little room that I'm sitting in right now. Whereas I could be present in the vastness of the internet. There are shops, educational resources, music, culture, communities, porn . . . practically everything you could want in the real world. There is always the argument that sitting in front of the computer is not a complete experience and that it's substandard way to spend your time. I think as long as you have a balance - as long as you're not spending the ENTIRE day sitting in front of a computer without human contact - then it is a great supplement to your life. Okay, now obviously this revalation of mine is way behind schedule. I think I've always known it but never consciously thought about it. Since I've stopped using the computer so much, I feel like I've devolved in some way, like I'm suddenly a little more primitive than my peers. If I keep this up any longer, I'll be using my hands to help me walk. | | |
| Talent and humility. It's probably the best combination you can find in a person. A nice definition of humility that Candice once told me, "Humility is thinking of yourself less, not thinking less of yourself."
I was taught to be a humble person. I think I am, for the most part, but when I was younger, I think my humility was really just low self-esteem. As I learned of the virtues of confidence, I tried telling myself the opposite: you are the best. You are better than everyone else. Well, that didn't work for very long, because that's obviously not true. Over the years, the best way that I've found to be humble is to see yourself in the context of the world in all times and places. It's very hard to have a big ego when you think of all the people that have done phenomenal things in the past - and even now.
Talent. Well, that one I haven't really figured out yet. I know that no matter what, you have to work hard to be talented. Yeah, there's natural talent, but it can really only take you so far. Even if you're naturally talented, without developing it, you're just as mediocre as anyone else. I can't say I have a talent - or at least an obvious talent, like being able to play an instrument or being able to create art. I love food. I seem to amaze people with the amount and frequency that I eat, but I don't think that qualifies as a talent. One think that I'm working on is creating the perfect dining experience - which I am definitely far from achieving. I've got at least another ten years before I get there. I could write on forever about it, but I'll spare you today. | | |
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